The greatest challenge I think is overcoming ones family cycle. We know we are made to soar, but the situation around us spells something totally different.
I am no different, I was raised in a family that could have been ok, but because of stubbornness, justification and constant passing of blames we were not.
For 15 years of my life I was made to believe the man I was calling dad was my dad, when in fact he was my stepdad. I am to this day very thankful to God for bringing him into my life. Not only did he play so perfectly the role of a father, but because in my family he is the only one who saw value in me.
This truth I learned about two months after I was raped. I was still dealing with the one issue and just suddenly another appeared. No words can explain the pain I felt. I was so truamatised, I began hallucinating. I felt like a bad child. I felt like I had been so bad that I didn’t even deserve the love I was getting from him. That the one person I loved so much was being taken from me because I was a bad child. I even started believing all the horrible things I was called (not my stepdad) like a curse, a demon etc, things I refused to believe because he always saw value in me. I asked my mom questions, but she wasn’t interested in saying anything.
As a result, my relationship with my now stepdad changed. I wasn’t as open to him as I was before, because I honestly didn’t know how to handle this truth.
And just before my 16th birthday I was introduced to my dad (photocopy I tell you). We met at church, my mom called me outside and said I want you to meet your dad, took me to this a man and said “here, your dad” and left us there. I looked at this stranger and thought “did you really have to disrupt my life”. He also wasn’t keen on taking the responsibility of being a father, but blew hot air saying this and that and I wasn’t interested.
It was 2002 when we met and it was only last year (2011) that he began taking responsibility. I called him last year and told him that I forgive him and what he does with it, is his choice. He can be a father to me or continue pretending he doesn’t know me, either way I am ok with it. I was able to say this because I was now fast learning that my past has no authority over my future unless I let it. Can you imagine seeing your father every single Sunday at church but have no relation to him what so ever. So I didn’t want to be in that cycle anymore. I wanted out and it’s also because I was now a parent myself. The funniest thing about this is that my son is best friends with my dad’s son (confused look) and it’s quite obvious that they too look very similar.
A while after my call, he called me back and asked if I was available the following day. I was a bit surprised. He had set a meeting to introduce me to my siblings. I was so nervous, since I was used to rejection, I thought this would be the same. I was happily wrong, I first met my brother and the following day my sister. I also met an extraordinary woman, my step mom. She is so beautiful, inside and out. She welcomed me in her house and made me feel like they’ve known me for years.
I thank God for sorting is all out, because even the little things we pretend don’t matter, really do. And they are amazing at eating away at ones joy.
One thing I know for sure, I am not ordinary and will never be. Although I can never change my past, I can work on my weak and sensitive areas in order to grow. I know also I can’t keep playing the blame game. Yes it happened, but guess what? I made it, stronger even.
Genesis 41 51 Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, “It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” 52 The second son he named Ephraim and said, “It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.”
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