My journey

It’s been a while since I wrote about my future plans. Its mostly because of the rejection and disappointment that came with loosing Mandla. I invested a lot of hope and faith in it, it really took a great deal of time and self love to be finally ok and of cause my dear friends Njabulo and Demaka , lol I remember she said “oho shame, that’s his loss, have you seen how hot you look these days..” but truth be told, at that moment it felt more my loss than his, I mean he dated immediately, with no hesitation.

So yeah, I did what every girl does, delete,  delete and delete some more, even though it took all of me to delete every single thing that connected me to him. It’s not that he’s all that, it’s just that I invested so much in the possibility.

But we need faith, we need hope, it keeps us going. After each disappointment, I just feel like the rope is getting tighter, like it’s never gonna happen.

The last thing I want is to grow alone, I want what I didn’t have, the love support and all that comes with love.

I am at that point where I wish I knew where I was on this map, which way to turn, but my hope, faith and dreams are all that I choose to focus on – which is how I got to the conclusion to leave all searching and identifying duties to him, Sthembiso Boaz that is (he is the one, I named him after that awesome guy in the book of Ruth, in the bible). I am leaving it to him to find me, to pray for me, to chase me, but as for me I am gonna sit right here and just love myself. I will go out of cause, chances are he doesn't know my address, so I should atleast be visisble lol. But I am expecting him to go out 10 times more, to pray 10 times more, to search 10 times more.

Don’t know if this is right, but I know for sure that this particular situation has to do more with him than me, I might be ready, but what if, he the man is not at the moment? And if he really wants me, then even the Indian Ocean is a pool to him to get to me.

To be continued...